Splish Splash, You Little Fs
by LyricOcean
Summary: AU where Max is a student teacher and Chloe is a lifeguard. Overly dramatic, ridiculously gay, Pricefield af.


Chlorine. Max always complained about the smell of it, but secretly, she really enjoyed it. She remembered being a toddler, splashing around in the shallows where it was warm, absolutely carefree. She'd never had proper, structured swimming lessons, but in the end she hadn't really needed them. The pools were a place she felt truly comfortable, and so it was only logical that swimming had come naturally to her.

Apparently, though, this was not the case for everyone.

"Okay, so, you'll see here that the kids are really just at a basic level, most of them," Ms Robinson shoved a board under Max's nose, which she tried to scan quickly. Messy comments and ticks mostly in 'beginner' boxes were all she could decipher before Ms Robinson snatched the board back. "Since it's the first day we're gonna just focus on floating and kicking with a board, then give them some free time." The older woman peered at her through large circular glasses, smiling but visibly stressed out. On the bleachers in front of them, three of the younger, swimsuit-clad boys were scream-laughing, and there was a visible vein in her forehead that hadn't been there before they'd started. "Sound good?"

"Yeah, I think we can manage that," Max shot her a reassuring smile, running a hand through her hair. She liked Ms Robinson, though admittedly found her quite strange. Tall and spindly, with peroxide blonde hair in a bob and those iconic circular glasses, she exuded stress and nerves. But she did truly love the kids, and in the end, really, that was all that mattered.

Max turned back and scanned the swimming area behind her. There were three pools in total; a large deep pool half dedicated to swimming laps and half dedicated to free swimming; a smaller, warm yet deep pool; and a shallower, circular pool designed for children. This last pool was the warmest, and was the one Max was hoping she would be in. The walls and floor were accented by an amazing colour scheme of blues and greens merging into turquoise, seeming to taint the pool water and turn it into a concrete lagoon. It would have been almost peaceful if not for the screaming children on the bleachers in front of her, yelling about when they could go in. Max had been a student teacher in this class for around three weeks now, and she still wasn't quite over just how loud children could be. Where did they find all that energy? It had to be some kind of witchcraft.

"Miss Caulfield?" one of the older boys stuck his hand up. That was another thing Max was struggling to get used to, being called that. It made her feel really old.

"Yes, Nick?" She had to yell to be heard. She was trying to subtly sniff the air while she could still smell the chlorine, but she didn't want to sound like a cocaine addict. You always have to strike a balance.

"When do we get to go into the pools? I'm cold!" Nick's voice was whiny.

"We're waiting for one of the lifeguards to come and give you a safety briefing, so you know the rules and don't accidentally hurt yourself." Max thought that was it, anyway. She never really seemed to know everything about what was happening. There were always surprises, plans she didn't know about, rules she never knew existed.

"Is that her now?" Nick pointed somewhere behind Max, and she glanced over her shoulder.

Making her way to the bleachers was a girl in a red lifeguard singlet. She was tall and thin, with short blue hair and an amazing intricate tattoo snaking its way down one arm, thorns and roses and skulls with a red ribbon tying it all in. She walked with a kind of swagger, like there was nothing in the world she cared about. She walked up to Max, half her face caught in a sunbeam from a window above, and asked "Hey, what room are these kids from?"

"Uhh…" said Max. She had found the fourth pool in this place, and that was in this girl's eye. The sun had turned it into a fascinating, swirling lake. She could have tried to count the number of different shades of blue in that eye for hours.

The girl gave her a weird look, and Max realised she'd been staring.

"Uh, um, sorry, what?" she asked lamely, blushing hard. She was very aware she was dressed like a total idiot in her rash shirt and trunks, and hugged an arm to her side as if to hide it.

"What room are the kids in? You're from Arcadia Elementary, aren't you?" the girl was smiling a little, clearly amused, which in itself was almost enough to give Max a heart attack. From embarrassment and, uh, other things.

"Oh. Sorry. Uh, Room Seven," Max managed to splutter, covering her face with her hands as the girl turned to face the children.

"Okay Room Seven, listening up!" she bellowed, and the children stopped talking instantly; they knew authority in a voice when they heard it. Which was why they never listened to anything Max said. "I'm gonna give you the safety briefing for this pool. My name is Chloe, and I'm one of the lifeguards here." Chloe! That was a really beautiful name. Max had always liked the name Chloe, hadn't she? Well, she liked it now. Chloe. Wowsers. "There is to be no running. If I see you running, you're gonna be in hella big trouble. There is a pit out the back full of tarantulas, and I will be personally throwing you in there if I see you running, that's how bad it is."

"I like tarantulas," one of the kids at the back piped up, and the blue haired girl didn't miss a beat.

"These are nasty tarantulas. They bite and they scratch and they wrap their hairy arms around your face like - uh. Maybe you guys are too young to hear about that movie," she muttered the last part, scowling. "Anyway though, they hella suck. Uh, let's see, there's also no diving, since it's too shallow and I don't know about you guys, but I prefer not having my neck broken. Listen to the lifeguards and your teachers at all times. When they tell you to get out, you get out. You're here to have fun, but more importantly, you're here to learn how to swim. Your school pays a lot of money to come here since they don't have their own pool, so you need to respect that and try work on your swimming as much as you can while you're here..." She could have been reading out the phone book and Max would have been still hanging off every word she said. How had she never seen this girl around? Where had she been all her life? "...so yeah, that's about it. Does anyone have any questions?" Will you marry me? "Kay, cool, have fun!" Chloe waved, too fast for the kids to ask anything, and strode off, that same swagger in her walk. Do not look at her butt. Do not look at her butt. Do not- oh, fuck me.

"Okay, follow me, children!" Ms Robinson called out, and they all followed suit. Every step Max took away from Chloe felt like a bullet to her stomach. She knew she was being overdramatic, but wow.

As the lesson started, Max was consistently distracted. They were in the shallow warm pool like Max had wanted, but she barely even registered that. The kids were floating with the inflatable boards, so basically all she needed to do was supervise and make sure they didn't drown, but she found even that hard. Chloe moved around the pool areas, that same swagger in her walk, checking her phone from time to time like the very concept of time itself meant nothing to her. Like she was just standing there, and that was her day, and she was rolling with whatever was happening. God, that was cute. How did she do that?

The kids switched to kicking with the boards, trying to get from one end of the pool to the other without touching the bottom. Some of them were getting the hang of it, which was great to see. Others were struggling more, but that was okay. They had six whole sessions at this pool, which was luckily only a five minute bus ride away from their school. Max smiled widely, still staring at Chloe from across the room, thinking of the six whole sessions they had left together. Wait, five and a half now. Shit. Time was going fast, and the only conversation she'd had with that blue haired goddess had made her sound like she was an ape attempting to mimic the English language. She wondered what Chloe thought of her, if she thought anything at all. Hopefully she knew Max wasn't an ape. Could apes swim?

"Miss Caulfield, did you see me? I went all the way over without touching the bottom!" an excited freckled girl called Jenny piped up right in Max's ear, in a decibel once thought to be so high only dogs could hear it, making her jump. No, I didn't see you, sorry Jenny. I was too busy being a pervert.

"Yeah, I saw you!" Max said enthusiastically, in her talking-to-kids voice. "That was really clever! You're getting the hang of this fast! Though remember, there's nothing wrong with touching the bottom." Jesus Christ, Max, what are you saying? "Though, you should try not to. But I mean, if you accidentally do, then that's cool too. But you're getting all the way across, so that's really good of you!"

Jenny tilted her head. Chlorinated water ran down her face. "Don't take this in a bad way, but you're really weird."

Max laughed, hoping her face wasn't as red as it felt. "Yeah, I know, Jenny. Now go get back to swimming! See if you can do it again!"

"Okay!" Jenny chirped, carefree, lining back up with her board again.

When Max looked back over, Chloe was gone. What? Where had she gone? Had she gotten out of work? Where did she go? This wasn't part of the plan. Was it a lunch break? Max checked the clock. 11:34am. That was around about lunchtime, right? So she was coming back?

Max wondered what Chloe was having for lunch. Tacos, perhaps. Perhaps even fish tacos. Well, if she ever ran out and was still hungry, there were still five and a half sessions in which Chloe could sample some award-winning Maxaroni.

Max was so glad nobody else could hear inside her head. She would be in a mental institution within five seconds if that were the case. And Chloe would probably be the first to advocate they put her there. Dear god, she needed help. She could not control this level of gay, she just couldn't.

Wait. CHLOE! Max saw her emerge from a staff room, and sit down on a bench to the side. Max's heart jumped, and butterflies swirled around in her stomach like… well, butterflies.

But then her heart stopped, and horror enveloped her like the cold hand of death.

Chloe was eating a hotdog.

Max wanted to sink under the water and drown.

Okay, calm down. This didn't mean anything. Everyone liked hotdogs, right? This was only normal, wasn't it? Max watched the way Chloe was eating it. Wolfing it down, getting a bit of mustard on her nose, zero fucks given. Okay, there was still hope. Chloe's tongue snaked out and licked the bit of mustard off her nose. Max didn't want to stereotype, but that was NOT the tongue of a heterosexual woman. Now Max felt like screaming and cheering in victory. When had Max ever been this happy? Had she ever been anywhere close to as happy as she felt in this moment, right here, right now? Was there anyone on this planet who had ever lived, and who would ever live, who would ever be as happy as Max currently was in this one moment?

Chloe looked over and saw Max staring, and raised an eyebrow.

Max followed her natural instincts and instantly submerged herself under the water, where she couldn't be seen.

Shit.

The swimming session was over too soon, and Max grudgingly dragged herself out of the water. The kids all got changed in the changing rooms, leaving Max waiting outside by a pool, leaning against a pillar, shivering in her wet swimming gear. She was dreading leaving this place. The next swimming session was a whole week away. How was she going to survive until the next week?

"Hey," came a voice to her side, and Max screamed a little. Chloe was standing there in all her tattooed beauty, smiling in a confused way. "Shit, sorry, didn't mean to scare you!"

"Sorry! I was uh, daydreaming." About turning you into Chloe Caulfield. "Didn't see you approach. Sorry for screaming, that was… weird." Was it physically possible for a person to die of embarrassment? Max had seen that shit on the Sims. Perhaps she was next. Perhaps that was a good thing.

Chloe laughed heartily. She smelled slightly of smoke. When had cigarette smoke ever smelled so damn good? "Don't worry, dude, I am so used to hearing screaming after all these classes full of kids. Hey uh, I'm Chloe, by the way. I don't think we've ever properly talked."

"I'm Max. No, I don't think we have." Could Chloe hear Max's heart beating? It felt like it was going to explode out of her chest, if it didn't melt away first. God, her eyes were so blue. It should be illegal to have eyes as blue as Chloe's eyes were right now. "Do you get a class in here every day?"

"Yep, eleven o'clock every day. The weekdays, that is. Though I don't work weekends so it wouldn't matter either way." Chloe shrugged the same way she walked; like nothing mattered or ever would.

What do you do in the weekends? What could you be doing in your weekends? Who could you be doing? Me? "Yeah, I don't work weekends either. If I did, I think I'd go crazy. I love working with the kids, but… it's tiring stuff." Was she sounding relatively normal now? She couldn't tell. Chloe wasn't running away screaming yet, so that was a good sign, right?

"Oh, I know," Chloe chuckled. "It's hella hard to keep it PG around them." She cupped a hand to her mouth - her fingernails were painted blue! How cute was that? - and pretend-yelled "Splish splash, you little fuckers!"

Max laughed, way too hard and way too long. She accidentally snorted, which was mortifying, but that only made her laugh harder. Chloe cracked up at that, throwing her head back, her blue hair caught up in the momentum. Max tried to lean back on the pillar behind her to regain some of her cool, but misjudged the distance, fell, and smacked her head hard on the side of the pool as she fell in. The world went black.

Shit.

When Max woke up, though, she woke up to the greatest experience she would ever have during her time on planet earth. Chloe's lips were on hers, forcing smoky-tasting air into her lungs with deep, powerful breaths. Max coughed, and immediately the lips left hers. Bollocks. Max turned onto her side, heaving up small amounts of pool water. Her head hurt like a bitch, and her throat burned. She coughed and spluttered for a long time, retching a bit, but eventually took a deep breath and looked up. The children were crowded around her excitedly. "Aw, she's alive," Max heard one of them groan disappointedly. She would be dealing with that rude little bastard later.

"Dude, you okay?" Chloe asked from above her, grinning like a dog but also looking concerned. Her hair hung in her face as she looked down, which did things to Max she hadn't previously thought possible.

"My body is yours," she mumbled dreamily, not meaning to say it out loud.

"Oo-kay, I'm taking her to the sick bay," Chloe said after a beat. Max felt herself being lifted up, gently. Chloe's skin was warm, and she smelled of cigarette smoke and chlorine. Though Max was soaking wet (from the pool water, you horny fucks), Chloe apparently had no hesitation about picking her up, which Max thought was just dandy.

"Will she be okay?" Ms Robinson's voice asked from somewhere to her left. She sounded highly stressed, but there was nothing new about that.

"Yeah, I'm sure she'll be fine, I just gotta look at her first. I'm first aid certified," Chloe's voice replied, very close to Max. Max smiled and let her head hang freely, arms spread out. Chloe started to walk, and Max's head jolted with every step. Chloe could take her wherever she wanted, as far as Max cared. Her headache, though splitting, didn't seem to matter. What were the bodily pains of mere mortals? Max had transcended that. She was living in the moment, fully aware of every single bit of skin to skin contact she had with this beautiful swearing creature, in blissful peace.

Chloe got to the medical room, somehow opened the door, and lay Max down on what felt like a hospital bed.

"Okay, Max, hey, if you're feeling sleepy, the most important thing for you to do right now is to stay awake, okay dude?" Chloe sounded more concerned now they weren't in front of the kids. She was leaned in close. "Can you remember where you are? Dude, I totally bullshitted my way through the first aid course, I don't know anything, I'm kinda freaking out right now."

Max opened her eyes and sat up a bit, though it hurt her head to do so. It took her a while to find coherent words, but after a while, she managed. "No, I feel awake. Embarrassed as hell, and my head really hurts, but I think I'll be fine."

"Oh, thank god. Okay, cool cool." Chloe exhaled and wiped her face with her hand, moving away from the bed. Her worried expression slowly turned into a smirk. "Okay, that was probably the most hilarious thing I've seen in all my life though, I'm sorry."

Max's face went red for the hundredth time that day. "Yeah, that was… not smooth at all."

"To say the least." Chloe was chuckling lightly now, all tension gone, amazing blue eyes aimed to the ceiling. "I'd give my left nut to see that again."

"Edward Scissorhands?" Max asked, after a brief, confused pause. She moved up to a sitting position, wincing.

"The one and only. Loved that movie. Always felt sorry for the poor guy." Chloe sighed, and there was silence for a moment. "Anyway, since you're okay, you good to go now?"

No. "Yeah, I should get back to the kids. They're probably spreading rumours that I got hit by a missile or something already." Chloe laughed at that. Max hesitated for a long time, then got up. Her hand had closed around the doorknob when she looked back. Fuck it. "Hey, Chloe, this is probably completely random and awkward, and after today you probably never want to see me again, but can I get your number?"

Chloe exploded into a fit of laugher.

But when Max left the room, she left it with Chloe's cellphone number written down on a small piece of white paper, and an immense sense of anticipation for the next five pool sessions to come.


End file.
